Staying too long

        

I spend a lot of time thinking. I like to learn from the past, or connect the dots to bring healing and a sense of closure within myself. I learn a lot this way. A new lesson I’m learning through studying my past seasons is I stay in neutral situations too long, whether it’s a relationship, group, idea, lifestyle etc. It’s not because I’m unaware that it’s neutral but I assume it will change and transform into something other than what it is, but the truth is, a neutral road usually remains neutral.

          We stay on certain roads thinking one day it will turn into something or lead to something more but it never does. When we finally reach the dead end, we saw miles away, we look back in regret wishing we didn't waste so much time when we knew it from the beginning, we saw the signs, we felt the life leave us, there was no spark from the beginning.

         I’m learning to disconnect and go a different direction sooner than later. When situations and seasons are bad and unhealthy it's obvious, and we often make changes needed to remedy the situation. It’s when things are neutral that we have a hard time discerning when to jump ship. The lukewarm situations in our lives steal our time and our memories. It's those okay, so-so things we tolerate that we end up regretting the most.

       Why do we continue chugging along even though a road doesn't feel authentic to us? Why do we assume with each next step something will change? The sooner we identify the things we are settling for the sooner we will make changes that ring true and stir up our gifts and talents, bringing out the best in us. I’m giving myself permission to walk away from anything that doesn’t bring me happiness and light.

         Sometimes I feel like I should suck it up and stick it out for the sake of others. I put pressure on myself to stay committed for the long hull and remain loyal to an idea, system, person, place or season because it’s benefiting someone else. But when I’m faced with the inevitable dead end I saw from miles away I regret sticking around so long.

         I never want to look back and repeat some of the okay and so-so seasons I settled for because I thought I didn't have a choice or assumed it would change on its own eventually. Stale bread never becomes fresh bread.

          I’m challenging myself in this new season to identify the things that drain me and to have courage to step into those things that fill me energy.