Isaiah 43:19-21 The Message

This is what God says,

    the God who builds a road right through the ocean,

    who carves a path through pounding waves,

The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—

    they lie down and then can’t get up;

    they’re snuffed out like so many candles:

“Forget about what’s happened;

    don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.

    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?

There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,

    rivers in the badlands.

Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’

    —the coyotes and the buzzards—

Because I provided water in the desert,

    rivers through the sun-baked earth,

Drinking water for the people I chose,

    the people I made especially for myself,

    a people custom-made to praise me.

INFJ balance

     I recently read a blog post about INFJs and a section described my experiences throughout my life almost perfectly. 
     “INFJs are one of the hardest of all types to type. The reason for this is because of their ability to blend in with the environment they are in at any given time. This is achieved via their auxiliary function of Fe, which will call their chameleon function. Typically, how this manifests is that an INFJ will be hard to notice. They are hard to see. You could be talking with on and have no idea that you are talking to a person of this type. They will embody what their delicate gyroscope tells them to embody at any given time. INFJ tend to balance out interactions such that if the person they are talking to is too active, they will take a passive role. If the person they are talking to is too passive, they will take the active role. Like the tides they constantly shift. Their personalities are difficult to peg down.”
       I've felt this way most of my life. I balance people and situations. People who are loud and extroverted often think I'm quiet. But quiet people may find me talkative and engaging. It's something that naturally happens to me without much thought.  My energy and rhythm become what is needed.    
       For example, a serious person may find me acting silly, lighthearted and easy going. I'm naturally balancing their formal, serious energy in order to keep harmony and peace. This often confuses people when they realize I'm different around others. When I'm around someone who is goofy and careless, I may become anxious and uptight. Balancing their energy. Also keeping them out of trouble and safe.
       I always knew this about myself, but seeing someone write about it is encouraging. It can be a lonely existence but someone has to change for harmony otherwise there would be no relationships. Most people aren't reflective or insightful enough  to care or notice other people in this way. As with most of the INFJ it's one sided. We are willing to change, move and give of ourselves for the sake of relationship while others are not. This becomes draining and exhausting for an INFJ, but this is how we live most of our lives.

God that saves - Iron Bell

Our 5th anniversary

 

Happy 5th anniversary to us! October 7th, we celebrated our anniversary. It truly doesn't feel like we've been married for five years, but when I look back and think about all the different seasons and details within the past five years it's obvious a lot has happened.
           We’ve moved past our firsts and on to creating and maintaining traditions we want in our little family unit.  Our life together has a rhythm; we know our style and way we like things together. We know who likes what chores, what inspires one another to action, what shuts the other one down. It’s easy to feel as if time has flown, but upon further examination, we’ve been through a lot in our short five years together.
          One thing my hubby and I love to talk about other than our daily dreams from that night is personality types. It’s fascinating to read about how our personality types get along now that we are married.   Through my research I’ve learned that the enneagram 4 and 9 pairing is very common. Many 4s and 9s are drawn to one another. Though they have many differences they experience a deep connection with one another. 

           It’s interesting to see how different characteristics of our personality type become more obvious or less obvious the older we get and the more we grow together and individually.  

Staying too long

        

I spend a lot of time thinking. I like to learn from the past, or connect the dots to bring healing and a sense of closure within myself. I learn a lot this way. A new lesson I’m learning through studying my past seasons is I stay in neutral situations too long, whether it’s a relationship, group, idea, lifestyle etc. It’s not because I’m unaware that it’s neutral but I assume it will change and transform into something other than what it is, but the truth is, a neutral road usually remains neutral.

          We stay on certain roads thinking one day it will turn into something or lead to something more but it never does. When we finally reach the dead end, we saw miles away, we look back in regret wishing we didn't waste so much time when we knew it from the beginning, we saw the signs, we felt the life leave us, there was no spark from the beginning.

         I’m learning to disconnect and go a different direction sooner than later. When situations and seasons are bad and unhealthy it's obvious, and we often make changes needed to remedy the situation. It’s when things are neutral that we have a hard time discerning when to jump ship. The lukewarm situations in our lives steal our time and our memories. It's those okay, so-so things we tolerate that we end up regretting the most.

       Why do we continue chugging along even though a road doesn't feel authentic to us? Why do we assume with each next step something will change? The sooner we identify the things we are settling for the sooner we will make changes that ring true and stir up our gifts and talents, bringing out the best in us. I’m giving myself permission to walk away from anything that doesn’t bring me happiness and light.

         Sometimes I feel like I should suck it up and stick it out for the sake of others. I put pressure on myself to stay committed for the long hull and remain loyal to an idea, system, person, place or season because it’s benefiting someone else. But when I’m faced with the inevitable dead end I saw from miles away I regret sticking around so long.

         I never want to look back and repeat some of the okay and so-so seasons I settled for because I thought I didn't have a choice or assumed it would change on its own eventually. Stale bread never becomes fresh bread.

          I’m challenging myself in this new season to identify the things that drain me and to have courage to step into those things that fill me energy.

Go back - Darlingside

Annual family pumpkin carving 2016

Story.of.my.life

The Enneagram

     One of my favorite things to do is read, learn and discuss personality types. I always loved taking personality tests in magazines as a tween, I loved how it would help me learn about myself and my friends, but in my teens I came across a discipleship program at my church called Healthy Soul. My hubby (best friend at the time) and I decided to check them out. In these classes we were introduced to the Enneagram. It was the most amazing personality system I had ever come across. I learned for the first time that I was a type 4 and my husband a type 9.

      The accuracy of the Enneagram still blows my mind. It has been invaluable. Still to this day when I find myself in a slump, not moving forward or having a hard time I find wisdom to help me up, out and forward. It helps hold me accountable to a higher standard for my personality type. The enneagram has a great system that helps you measure your level of health. 

      In this particular season I find myself going back to it to help me move forward in business. I’m finishing up my classes and I’m about to join my hubby with his business. I’m excited but still face a few mental and emotional challenges. The wisdom in the enneagram system has given me practical and real solutions for my personality type.

      Besides helping me understand myself it’s helped me understand my family members, friends and husband. One of my favorite websites is 9Types. The website is packed full of information and it's been around for over ten years. My favorite part is how they share how to get along with each personality type. It's truly helped me love and see my husband better and taught him how to love and see me.
    How often do relationships end, or stay in a constant state of stress over simple personality differences. When I read about my hubby's personality type I see him in a new light. I all of a sudden understand his point of view and perspective. I see him. I always go back and refresh my memory about his personality type because I know it strengthens our marriage. It strengthens our connections. And most importantly it teaches me how to love him well by showing me what he needs, fears and enjoys. 

"The enneagram does not put you in a box, it liberates you from the box you are in" 

Our heart for adoption

          Ever since I was a child I had a heart for adoption. As a teenager I read countless books on adopting older children. When I met my husband he shared his desire to adopt as well. Our heart for adoption has grown as our relationship and marriage has grown.  We’ve kept this desire private because it has been met with some negativity at times. The few times we have opened up and shared our heart we were bombard with people’s bad experiences, so we’ve learned over the years to keep our heart’s desire under lock and key.
          This year we’ve talked more of adoption and even started looking at the steps we’d need to take to make it happen. It’s overwhelming putting together an action plan for something you know nothing about - new territory. We’ve always talked about adoption as something distant. Actually taking steps in this direction brings up a lot of insecurities. We’ve read about the ups and the downs, the joys and the heart breaks. We both look at each other and wonder if we are capable. Can we do it? Are we enough? Is it for us?
        Sometimes people think of adoption as a plan B, but it’s different for us. I’ve always wanted to adopt. It’s always been in my heart for as long as I can remember. We both trust God’s timing and are allowing Him to lead us.
           I  wanted to share and post my first open blog about this area of our lives, like an introduction. I'll share more on this subject and tag the posts under the "adoption" lable on the right side of my blog.