Our 5th anniversary

 

Happy 5th anniversary to us! October 7th, we celebrated our anniversary. It truly doesn't feel like we've been married for five years, but when I look back and think about all the different seasons and details within the past five years it's obvious a lot has happened.
           We’ve moved past our firsts and on to creating and maintaining traditions we want in our little family unit.  Our life together has a rhythm; we know our style and way we like things together. We know who likes what chores, what inspires one another to action, what shuts the other one down. It’s easy to feel as if time has flown, but upon further examination, we’ve been through a lot in our short five years together.
          One thing my hubby and I love to talk about other than our daily dreams from that night is personality types. It’s fascinating to read about how our personality types get along now that we are married.   Through my research I’ve learned that the enneagram 4 and 9 pairing is very common. Many 4s and 9s are drawn to one another. Though they have many differences they experience a deep connection with one another. 

           It’s interesting to see how different characteristics of our personality type become more obvious or less obvious the older we get and the more we grow together and individually.  

Staying too long

        

I spend a lot of time thinking. I like to learn from the past, or connect the dots to bring healing and a sense of closure within myself. I learn a lot this way. A new lesson I’m learning through studying my past seasons is I stay in neutral situations too long, whether it’s a relationship, group, idea, lifestyle etc. It’s not because I’m unaware that it’s neutral but I assume it will change and transform into something other than what it is, but the truth is, a neutral road usually remains neutral.

          We stay on certain roads thinking one day it will turn into something or lead to something more but it never does. When we finally reach the dead end, we saw miles away, we look back in regret wishing we didn't waste so much time when we knew it from the beginning, we saw the signs, we felt the life leave us, there was no spark from the beginning.

         I’m learning to disconnect and go a different direction sooner than later. When situations and seasons are bad and unhealthy it's obvious, and we often make changes needed to remedy the situation. It’s when things are neutral that we have a hard time discerning when to jump ship. The lukewarm situations in our lives steal our time and our memories. It's those okay, so-so things we tolerate that we end up regretting the most.

       Why do we continue chugging along even though a road doesn't feel authentic to us? Why do we assume with each next step something will change? The sooner we identify the things we are settling for the sooner we will make changes that ring true and stir up our gifts and talents, bringing out the best in us. I’m giving myself permission to walk away from anything that doesn’t bring me happiness and light.

         Sometimes I feel like I should suck it up and stick it out for the sake of others. I put pressure on myself to stay committed for the long hull and remain loyal to an idea, system, person, place or season because it’s benefiting someone else. But when I’m faced with the inevitable dead end I saw from miles away I regret sticking around so long.

         I never want to look back and repeat some of the okay and so-so seasons I settled for because I thought I didn't have a choice or assumed it would change on its own eventually. Stale bread never becomes fresh bread.

          I’m challenging myself in this new season to identify the things that drain me and to have courage to step into those things that fill me energy.

Go back - Darlingside

Annual family pumpkin carving 2016

Story.of.my.life

The Enneagram

     One of my favorite things to do is read, learn and discuss personality types. I always loved taking personality tests in magazines as a tween, I loved how it would help me learn about myself and my friends, but in my teens I came across a discipleship program at my church called Healthy Soul. My hubby (best friend at the time) and I decided to check them out. In these classes we were introduced to the Enneagram. It was the most amazing personality system I had ever come across. I learned for the first time that I was a type 4 and my husband a type 9.

      The accuracy of the Enneagram still blows my mind. It has been invaluable. Still to this day when I find myself in a slump, not moving forward or having a hard time I find wisdom to help me up, out and forward. It helps hold me accountable to a higher standard for my personality type. The enneagram has a great system that helps you measure your level of health. 

      In this particular season I find myself going back to it to help me move forward in business. I’m finishing up my classes and I’m about to join my hubby with his business. I’m excited but still face a few mental and emotional challenges. The wisdom in the enneagram system has given me practical and real solutions for my personality type.

      Besides helping me understand myself it’s helped me understand my family members, friends and husband. One of my favorite websites is 9Types. The website is packed full of information and it's been around for over ten years. My favorite part is how they share how to get along with each personality type. It's truly helped me love and see my husband better and taught him how to love and see me.
    How often do relationships end, or stay in a constant state of stress over simple personality differences. When I read about my hubby's personality type I see him in a new light. I all of a sudden understand his point of view and perspective. I see him. I always go back and refresh my memory about his personality type because I know it strengthens our marriage. It strengthens our connections. And most importantly it teaches me how to love him well by showing me what he needs, fears and enjoys. 

"The enneagram does not put you in a box, it liberates you from the box you are in" 

Our heart for adoption

          Ever since I was a child I had a heart for adoption. As a teenager I read countless books on adopting older children. When I met my husband he shared his desire to adopt as well. Our heart for adoption has grown as our relationship and marriage has grown.  We’ve kept this desire private because it has been met with some negativity at times. The few times we have opened up and shared our heart we were bombard with people’s bad experiences, so we’ve learned over the years to keep our heart’s desire under lock and key.
          This year we’ve talked more of adoption and even started looking at the steps we’d need to take to make it happen. It’s overwhelming putting together an action plan for something you know nothing about - new territory. We’ve always talked about adoption as something distant. Actually taking steps in this direction brings up a lot of insecurities. We’ve read about the ups and the downs, the joys and the heart breaks. We both look at each other and wonder if we are capable. Can we do it? Are we enough? Is it for us?
        Sometimes people think of adoption as a plan B, but it’s different for us. I’ve always wanted to adopt. It’s always been in my heart for as long as I can remember. We both trust God’s timing and are allowing Him to lead us.
           I  wanted to share and post my first open blog about this area of our lives, like an introduction. I'll share more on this subject and tag the posts under the "adoption" lable on the right side of my blog.

Happy 31st Birthday baby!

Happy Birthday to my Hubby and best friends, Christopher! My baby turned 31 October 10th! I can’t believe we met in 1999 in freshmen algebra. I was 15 and he was turning 14 (we are a year and three months apart). We became friends almost instantly and best friends soon after.

I’m beyond proud of the man he is and the man he is becoming.

 He always gets a cookie cake! :-)

He designed his own cake!

 He drew a pic and showed it to the workers at Nestle Tollhouse. 

Pumpkin Spice Addiction!

Detonate

I feel the cracks in the pavement crumble

It might break

As long as I'm not falling on my own

I'd hate to see you fall on your own, on your own

I feel the rain, this water at my feet

Won't wash away, there's no place I'd rather be

So far from home

As long as I'm not left here on my own, on my own

Don't detonate now, don't detonate now

Don't detonate, don't go off

Don't detonate now cause any day now

We're gonna be safe and sound

I see you changed

Long time coming but we stayed the same

As long as I'm not changing on my own

I'd hate to see you stray on your own, on your own

Mock me with words, throw me in your fire

Watch me burn, be the sole survivor

Cast a stone

As long as I'm not hurting on my own, on my own

And I know we're swimming in a sea without a shore

We're flying through the eye of a storm

Don't look down, there's a long, long way to go

Go, go

100%

Happy 32nd Birthday to Me!

          

One thing about having a July birthday is it feels like my birthday comes super-fast every year! My hubby’s October birthday feels like it never comes around. I literally feel like I just typed a birthday blog for myself! It feels like God is speeding up time!

Embracing the quieter slower seasons is always hard for us. We take so much pride in doing things and find purpose in being busy, but I’m learning, a busy life is a distracted life.  I’ve never been an overly busy person, but like the majority of people I get a bit anxious when life remains extra slow for longer periods of time. Where do we find our purpose and motivation if we aren’t doing something? Doing something and working towards a goal makes us feel valuable and deserving, like we are measuring up and keeping up.

When we are asked to wait, sit out and rest for a season we begin feeling like we are falling behind, even unworthy.  Of course, this is not the truth, but society temps many of us in this way.

Quiet does not mean broken, quiet does not mean falling behind, quiet does not mean unworthy or purposelessness. Quite simply means healing, quiet means growth, quiet means depth and intimacy, quiet means peace. It’s inevitable that we will all have seasons like this at some point, so it’s important we don’t freak out and accept the lies.

This year God’s been showing me how I often make myself smaller than He sees me, in order to make others feel more comfortable. I’m all for making others feel comfortable. I easily read facial expressions or see people’s eyes glaze over if something is over their head or boring, so I stop talking or change the subject. I also notice when someone’s prideful, and they hate when I have wisdom about a situations. Sometimes religious older people take offense to wisdom coming from a younger person.(I'm not so young anymore! lol)

When I walk in revelation or wisdom from the Holy Spirit, I feel their anger towards me and I shrink back. The Holy Spirit has been showing me how my actions are not out of love, but fear. I should not fear being everything God created me to be. I can’t make myself smaller because certain people don’t want to grow. They will have to adjust! Most of these people aren’t even Spirit-filled so why do I care what they think anyway? We are on totally different pages.

It’s not going to be easy for me, but I’m willing to allow God to work in me. This year is going to be spent walking courageously in who I am in Christ. I have to be brave. What do I have to lose? I remember this dream I had several years ago. I was in a swing/seat that was attached to a mountain (like a ski lift, but I was at the bottom). I remember jumping a little and as soon as I jumped the chair/swing/seat clicked and started to move forward, pulling me up the mountain (like a ski lift). It was just a little jump from me that set it all in motion. Jason Upton has a song called “Scarecrow”, it also is another powerful encouragement.

The lyrics are full of truth, “There’s a scarecrow standing in a farmers field. What it’s guarding has not been revealed. I can’t find something that’s been found before. And I won’t find nothing if I close that door.  If I were a bird, if I were a foolish bird, I’d listen to my fear and fly away from here. But if I were a bird, if I were a wise bird, I’d listen to my heart and find a treasure waiting in the field.

The scarecrow is a trick to fool us into backing away from the very thing God is calling us to. Right next to the scarecrow is a fruitful garden. It’s about perspective. Maybe, just maybe, the enemy has set up scarecrows in our lives to keep us from discovering the very things that are ours in Christ!